Logan’s Story: Peace in the Storm
May 6, 2022
In December 2021, Logan P. shared with our community her story of heartache to hope. She has given us permission to share this story of her peace in the storm with you below:
Hi everyone, so I was asked to share this with you! I hope that it will uplift and inspire you!
So I found out back in June that I was expecting. I am not married. It was not planned, so of course I had a lot of apologizing and explaining to do … It was really hard, but I knew what was the right thing to do and from it I experienced a lot of healing!
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” James 5:16
After that the planning began and I was so excited to be a Mom!
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Your eyes saw my unformed body.” Psalm 139 : 13-16
I had my first ultrasound at about 9 weeks, went in for another ultrasound the next week just to get a better look at what my due date would be. That’s when I found out that Raylynn, Baby A had a neural tube defect called Anencephaly. Anencephaly is basically an absence of the brain, skull, and scalp . They also thought she had omphalocele, which is an abdominal wall defect. Just with the anencephaly alone there was no hope scientifically for my precious baby to live outside the womb.
I was devastated. I remember texting my mom probably one of the most heartbreaking texts you could ever receive from a daughter . I felt hopeless and if I’m going to be honest I had no desire to talk the Lord. I was angry! Well my Mom being light in all the darkness, said “Logan, God is still in control!” My first instinct was to say, “Yeah, I know … that’s why I’m upset!” I knew she was right though, and I knew that there was no one that could help me except for Him, so I quickly asked Him to help me.
“I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4
He did just that, and that’s when I chose life over death! I chose not to abort my child, which is what I was advised to do many many times! I knew that God is in control over life and death! He did NOT want me give up! I decided to carry to full term no matter the risks.
Time went by things were going well. I was seeing my girl once a week, hearing her heart beat, which was so precious, but then around 20 weeks I went in for another ultrasound. I was supposed to be finding out the gender! Super exciting! Well at least it should be, however, I was scared out of my mind, I don’t know why because the Lord had already given me peace and I had already chose to ignore the birth defects and continue with the pregnancy but still I was. I was sitting there on the ultrasound table and I remember asking questions, but the doctor was just really short with answering them. I could tell that there was something going on, but just had no idea if it was good or bad. Once again I prayed and asked God for help. That’s when I heard him say that I was going to hear even worse news than before, but He said I want you to have faith.
“Suddenly, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!” Matthew 8:24-27
Just then I found out I was having not one but TWO GIRLS but they were conjoined, sharing one heart and both of them had anencephaly. Once again being life outside the womb was just impossible, but I knew that with God all things are possible so still I held on as long as I could! I knew that’s what was right and what the Lord required of me! Ultimately my girls were His and I just prayed for His will to be done! I spent as much time as I could with them as I could and enjoyed every moment carrying them. I chose to be the best mom that I could be and give them the best care that I could!
Soon however it began to be impossible to carry them to full term. My health became very unstable, not only was I already dealing with narcolepsy and was extremely high risk for other things, I had a condition called Polyhydramnios, which is basically an excessive amount of fluid in the amniotic sac. It was very painful. I had gained a massive amount of weight in a very short period of time from all the fluid. The fluid was pushing on my organs and actually caused problems with my kidneys. I could barely keep food down and was retaining so much fluid it was insane! I was taken to the hospital the 19th. I could’ve been admitted then but I needed time to process what I had to do. I scheduled an ultrasound on the 21st. It was actually my last ultrasound, because I was admitted that day and was scheduled for a c-section the next day.
There is so much more to this story that I could tell you, but this post is already way too long. I just want to let everyone know that I am okay! The Lord truly has given me so much peace! I also want you to know that even though times seem different from in the Bible God is still the same and He is still performing miracles today! He used these girls to perform a miracle not only in my life but so many others! I didn’t know what was going to happen or what to expect . What I did know was terrifying, but the Lord came through like He always does!
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Now I want everyone to meet my beautiful angels!
Meet Raylynn Grace & Faith Harmony!
Born and went home hugging each other on 12/22/21.
Mommy loves you so so much! I cannot wait to see you again in heaven! Have fun getting to know all your family that’s up there too!
Logan P. – forever momma to Raylynn Grace and Faith Harmony
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