April’s Letter: To Thomas Henry
September 20, 2023
Rather than our typical blog post sharing the overall story of a parent and their baby’s diagnosis, today’s blog post shares one of our Verity’s Village mother’s letter to her son. By her permission, we are allowed a window into her pregnancy, her special times with her son, and her choice to spend this time intentionally filling the days and months with trips and memories. Thank you April for sharing your journey and your letter.
Thomas Henry received the diagnosis of Trisomy 18.
April’s Letter: To Thomas Henry
To my Thomas Henry,
To put everything I want to tell you into one letter would be just
impossible. But I can try to tell you just a few things . . .
In May when I took a pregnancy test, not expecting to see
anything yet . . . there you were, telling me that a little baby was growing in my tummy. My smile didn’t leave my face for weeks. I had planned out exactly how we were going to tell everybody that you were on your way. The anticipation for your life unfolded as I dreamed of how I would design your room, where you might take your first steps, how much our doggies would love playing with you. When we finally saw your little heartbeat flicker, that was it. Now that I could see you, I knew you were mine forever. No more worries on my mind.
As the morning sickness set in and the weeks rolled on, my
excitement grew. Every day was one day closer to finding out if you
were a boy or a girl and getting to tell everyone we knew. After
spending 11 and a half weeks growing you, I found out that your life
and our time together was going to look a little bit different than I had imagined it. You taught me the fragility of life that day, and that the length of life isn’t as important as what you do with your days.
I made the decision early on to make the most of our days with
you while your heart beat under mine. We went boating, swimming
and camping. We spent so much time with family and friends. We
snuggled with your cousins and talked about you every chance that we got. We went to Kansas City, Las Vegas, Philadelphia, and Mexico. We took pictures, sang songs, ate donuts and bagels and breakfast sandwiches.
I found beauty in my days with you that there was no planning for
“later.” We didn’t spend our days planning your life after delivery. We simply spent our days focusing on you. I became so appreciative of my ability to carry you. Not a day went by that I wasn’t thankful to hold you for your whole life.
You taught me to be patient. You taught me how to accept and
embrace what is, and let go of what is not. You taught me to love and
show grace when I want to be angry and scream. You taught me that
it’s ok to cry and be sad. You taught me that I can do hard things. You taught me strength.
My little angel, your life will live on through me. I will always talk
about you and talk to you. I will never stop singing to you. Your future siblings will know everything about you. Even though your physical body is gone, I have never felt like I lost you. I feel your presence so intensely. You are with me in everything I do. I’m so lucky to be your mom. I’m so lucky that you’re my son. I would do this 100 times over if it meant that I would get to know you, to hold you. Everything about this that is hard, I would do again just so that you can be mine forever. Until I can hold you in my arms again someday, I will hold you so closely in my heart.