Life-Affirming Language and Care

December 14, 2024

During a pregnancy and at the OBGYN, we do not normally need to talk about life-affirming language. When a mama receives a positive pregnancy test, the medical staff immediately proceed to provide life-affirming language and care. This mama is having a baby! The expectation is not focused on ending a baby’s life; why would it be?

For a mama who receives a prenatal diagnosis, however, all of a sudden things change dramatically. Many of these previously friendly professionals who were celebrating her pregnancy and her baby change their language, their care, and their advice. Instead of using life-affirming language, they begin to call the results of this pregnancy a “fetus.” Many of them are trained to believe this is a way to help parents detach from their connection before losing their pregnancy, but we know that a mother’s attachment is not so easily severed. No matter what, grief will happen. We cannot cancel grief by using language that devalues the baby’s life. It simply doesn’t work.

Let’s explore how (and why) mamas, daddies, grandparents, family, friends, co-workers, and yes, medical staff can (and should) continue to use life-affirming language and give life-affirming care when a baby has received a life-limiting diagnosis.

Fatal Fetal Anomaly –> Life-Limiting Prenatal Diagnosis

While the medical community may choose to use terms like “fatal fetal anomaly” to describe a condition that impacts the length of life of a baby in the womb, we believe it is best to use life-affirming language such as “life-limiting prenatal diagnosis.” No diagnosis should have the goal or result of devaluing human life, so we should use language that cherishes all of the life a baby will have on this earth. A diagnosis may limit the life of a baby, but these diagnoses are not often immediately terminal. However, an abortion IS immediately terminal.

In respect of life, and in celebration of the time left, we encourage parents, family, friends, and medical professionals to use life-affirming language such as “life-limiting prenatal diagnosis” to refer to a condition that may limit the life of a baby in the womb.

How does this impact the parents?

Most parents who are given the support they need to carry their baby to term WANT to spend these last moments with their baby, whether that is only the time in the womb, or the minutes, hours, days, weeks, or in some cases years parents may have with their baby in their arms. A doctor cannot tell a parent how long their baby has on this earth. When parents are told the only option is ending their pregnancy and that there is no hope of meeting their baby, many parents will terminate their pregnancy. Yet we know from studies that the grief of the parent who ended her baby’s life is so much greater than for the parent who was able to go through her pregnancy and process the loss of her baby as it occurs.

Fetus –> Baby

There is no magical process that changes a fetus into a baby. A fetus IS a baby growing inside of a mama’s uterus. (Fetus is simply the Latin term for “unborn offspring.”) When a mother receives a prenatal diagnosis, her baby does not turn into a thing that has no value and can be tossed aside with no consequence. Changing the word does not make it easier, but it may make it easier to make a huge mistake for the mother’s heart and mind. Mothers and fathers need to go through the emotions that come with a life-limiting prenatal diagnosis. They need to process through the loss; they need to begin the process of grief. There is no fast-forward button, and there is no skip button.

Calling a baby a fetus is not helpful, and it does not cancel out the grief.

Referring to a baby as a baby,or using the baby’s name is so much more life affirming. This allows the parents the time with their baby, precious moments. Each ultrasound is precious, and it is a time to leave the parents at peace to spend time with their baby . . . not a fetus.

Fearful Language –> Hopeful Language

Friends and family, you have to decide what type of influence you want to be for these parents. Do you want to bring more fear? Or do you want to bring hope? This is also a question medical practitioners need to face. The language we choose impacts the parents going through this experience.

At times, people will use fearful language to influence parents to make a decision they believe the parents need to make. A friend might start telling a mama all the bad things that could happen with her baby who has received a prenatal diagnosis because that friend wants to make the situation go away. The friend mistakenly thinks providing all these scary details will make this situation go away. However, using fear is not helpful. No one makes a good decision while in a state of fear.

Instead, be the person who removes fear and instills hope. Help each parent realize they have time to think. Encourage mama to hold onto hope. She cannot know the full situation yet. Often a mama doesn’t even know the full diagnosis before she may be first pressured into an abortion. We know that each prenatal diagnosis is different. In addition, support groups such as Verity’s Village’s From Diagnosis to Delivery allow parents to get answers to hard questions, giving parents the chance to make decisions based on facts, not fears.

Creating a Rush –> Giving Parents Time

When a new prenatal diagnosis is received, the atmosphere can seem rushed. Parents receive the diagnosis, then are expected to immediately make huge decisions. Instead, life-affirming care should never push parents into making decisions rapidly. This is not a bleeding limb; this is a prenatal diagnosis. While a doctor may offer a specific surgery option for babies in certain cases, most medical decisions can be made after parents have time to process, educate themselves, and talk to family.

An artificial rush from medical staff, family, or friends is a tool to push parents into decisions other people desire the parents to make. What is the worst that can happen for a family who has a life-limiting prenatal diagnosis? The same thing that many people are trying to pressure parents into doing anyway. Give parents time to pause. If you are the parent, demand the time you need to process.

Claims of Danger –> Truth for Mamas

We have heard many mamas state that medical professionals have told them it was unsafe to continue their pregnancy due to their prenatal diagnosis. In this instance, we would highly suggest parents get a second opinion. In most cases, carrying a baby with a life-limiting prenatal diagnosis to term is no different than carrying a baby without a diagnosis to term and definitely no more risky than an abortion. Delivering a baby with a prenatal diagnosis almost always is safer than the known risks of an abortion.

If a parent has received a diagnosis and was told it was dangerous to keep her pregnancy, please seek out a pro-life OBGYN to give you a clear picture of your actual risks. AAPLOG is an amazing resource for finding pro-life providers.

Life-Affirming Care

Medical staff, family, friends, co-workers: be the source of life-affirming care for the parents who are going through the traumatic experience of receiving a life-limiting prenatal diagnosis for their baby. Remove fear, recognize the value of the life this mama carries, and support parents as they navigate the road of grief, but also of hope. Encourage them and support them as they spend every moment possible with their baby. Give them special moments at every opportunity, and dispel fear through celebrating the time given, gifting them with ways to record their pregnancy moments and letting them know you will be with them through it all.

Life-affirming care should be the standard, not the exception. Let’s change the narrative from heartache to hope together.

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We invite you to come alongside our mission to change the narrative from heartache to hope for parents receiving a life-limiting diagnosis for their babies.

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Brooke Shambley

Public Relations and Social Media for Verity’s Village